Gay Dating

Real Talk: The Whole Truth Behind The "Your Preference Is Racist" Discussion

MTV’s Decoded is back again to specifically talk about racism on gay dating apps.

We know, several readers are probably rolling their eyes and sighing (or did so as soon as they saw this article’s title).

That said, the conversation of racism in gay dating keeps coming up for a reason. The topic is relevant in several gay men’s lives.

We know, in today’s PC culture some readers may feel like we’re the boy who cried wolf, and honestly some people’s perspective on the issue can be quite repetitive/restrictive.

That said, the overall situation is fairly simpler than most are willing to consider.

First, check out the Decoded video starring internet content creator Dylan Marron (of the “Shut down” series) to see most of the situation’s truth. Then, come back to read this Instinct writer’s additional thoughts below.

Now again, we know that some of you are already triggered and writing down your opposition to this side of the conversation (if you haven’t already), but hear me out.

No matter what, the preference to date only one type of guy is by definition racist. (Note: I don't mean having a preference of liking Native/Indigenous men more than other races. I mean the decision to reject all other men or one type of race specifically).

For instance, imagine if I were to say, “I’m only interested in Black guys. It’s a preference.” By saying so, I’m ultimately rejecting every other shade of man that there is out there. Do all mixed men look alike? No. Do all Asian men have the same personality/lifestyle? No. So, how can I outright reject all of men of a certain color? That’s a gross generalization.

By rejecting all white men, for instance, simply because they’re white, I’m showing prejudice against them based on their race, which is the definition of racism.

On what basis can you really justify going, “I wouldn’t date you because you’re ____,” or “I would never date a _____ guy,” when there’s a wide variety of looks and personalities within one race?

And if you’re immediate response is, “That’s just what I like,” or “That’s what makes me hard,” my response to that is, “Why?”

Now, of course, there could be some understandable explanations like some kind of traumatic experience. But even then, the simple solution is exposure. Meeting a few more Latino men can widen your perspective on Latino men and wipe away that bad memory (in terms of dating at least).

Now for those vehemently against this “Preference is Racism” mentality, here’s where you might be happy to see my reasoning.

At the end of the day, this writer realizes that I have no real sway in anyone else’s life. Everyone is entitled to dating whomever they like, and my forcing my views on you would ultimately be another form of oppression.

Let’s be honest, this is your life. I may not be happy with how you run it, but you get to live and date how you want.

But that’s not all. There’s one final piece to the puzzle. Acknowledgement.

As someone who understands the “preference” defense is racist, I can still acknowledge that I shouldn’t force my views too much on others. But, that doesn’t mean I can’t express them.

In addition, you can live your life and date whomever you want, but I hope that you can eventually acknowledge that what you’re saying/thinking is inherently racist. I’m not asking you to change (though I’d like you to), but I’m asking you to acknowledge the problem.

Alright, that’s my spiel. That’s my perspective. What do you think? Is there a hole in my reasoning? Do you agree or disagree? Share your thoughts below.

Just remember when commenting, there are (hopefully) other human beings on the other end of your screen.

Watch "What the Flip?": Grindr's New Web Series About Swapping Profiles

Did you know that Grindr made a web series?

The series, titled What the Flip, is supposed to take a look at what the dating experience is like for different kinds of Grindr users.

The first episode was already released last week and another one is about to come out next week. This pattern will continue every other Thursday until all five episodes have come out.

But what is the series about?

Well, the goal is to approach the topics of racism, ageism, and body shaming in the Grindr user base and the online gay community as a whole.

The first episode, which you can watch below, shows a White man and an Asian man switching profiles and seeing how the other side lives. In addition, host Billy Francesca comments on the situation along with random pedestrians found on the streets of Hollywood.

As INTO editors, the digital lifestyle magazine working with Grindr to create the series, stated, “What the Flip? exposes the way we talk to each other, the good and the bad. But it also reminds us that we’re still human, and that we can do a better job of how we represent ourselves in the mad rush to connect.”

While the episode is simple and short, it is trying to express a higher message and point out a very true and crippling problem with the gay community, so the video is worth a watch.

Again, you can check it out down below.